Mohinder Suresh (
seekevolution) wrote2014-03-05 02:55 pm
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Summer
Though Mohinder didn't buy into the saying that there could be such a thing as love at first sight, the way that Simon Petrelli looked at Molly when they were first introduced made him reconsider and then immediately close his thoughts so Matt wouldn't worry. Mohinder gently pulled her long hair back from her shoulder so his hand could rest upon it, Molly in a bright red and yellow sundress,and said shoulder covered by a small yellow half jacket. They'd both been pleased to find it at Walmart on the drive up from Fort Lee to Maine, taking the long, scenic route even though Peter had offered them a chance to teleport.
Why teleport when they could have more time together and see the country? Molly needed a little break away from enclosed spaces and the forests along their mountain roads in New York and at the southern border of Canada was just the ticket.
Of course, there had been blighted areas, places where the virus had broken out, or worse, where communities had closed their doors and grown violent. They had just guided their black SUV around the problem areas and stuck to rural hotels on the interstate.
Now, standing in the foyer of what looked like another hotel and yet, knowing it was a family summer retreat, Mohinder could feel Molly yearning to go explore...and the eldest of Peter's nephews more than willing to guide her.
They were both the same age. They'd both been without playmates (what nearly twelve year old counts their brother as a playmate?) for a long while. Mrs. Petrelli, gracious despite her furtive glances at Matt, finally gave them the go head. "Show Molly to her room. Gently, Simon. She's not one of your trucks." Molly glanced back up at Mohinder and he nodded.
"I'll come find you shortly."
Why teleport when they could have more time together and see the country? Molly needed a little break away from enclosed spaces and the forests along their mountain roads in New York and at the southern border of Canada was just the ticket.
Of course, there had been blighted areas, places where the virus had broken out, or worse, where communities had closed their doors and grown violent. They had just guided their black SUV around the problem areas and stuck to rural hotels on the interstate.
Now, standing in the foyer of what looked like another hotel and yet, knowing it was a family summer retreat, Mohinder could feel Molly yearning to go explore...and the eldest of Peter's nephews more than willing to guide her.
They were both the same age. They'd both been without playmates (what nearly twelve year old counts their brother as a playmate?) for a long while. Mrs. Petrelli, gracious despite her furtive glances at Matt, finally gave them the go head. "Show Molly to her room. Gently, Simon. She's not one of your trucks." Molly glanced back up at Mohinder and he nodded.
"I'll come find you shortly."
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Mohinder didn't realise he'd been dropped to the floor, his knees betraying him. He'd given up, that much was true. Given up and left go. He'd sunk. The hardwood floor by the door was cool in the early August evening. Not that long ago, he and Matt had packed Molly up to the beach. They'd played in the sand and lost their family by breakfast the next morning.
"You care." Just a whisper. How could he care? "I have no idea what I mean to you." He lifted his hands, palms smeared with his own blood.
Mohinder knew.
He could feel it between his lips and his teeth. He could taste it and it was like metal. Unsavory. Wicked.
You did this. The rancid words were turned immediately back on him and Mohinder swallowed it down as he struggled to his knees so that Matt could see the proof of his caring. You deserve this. He's right. There's something wrong with you.
"Is this proof?" His head ached.
More blood.
His first boyfriend caused him to bleed. Bob Bishop and Noah Bennet made him bleed too. Zane. Sylar. Oh, he'd bled so much for Sylar, hadn't he? And now Matt, he was bleeding for him now. Faggot.
The hands of men did this.
You deserve worse.
He did. He was nothing.
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He swallowed. He cautiously approached Mohinder again but made himself smaller. Tried to, anyway.
"I - Mohinder ..."
His voice was quiet and regretful when he leaned to offer Mohinder a hand, but when Mohinder seemed to shy away from even that, looked scared - felt scared, it was loud in his head - Matt felt it like another punch.
Well. He'd earned that one.
He hesitated and then sank to his knees in front of Mohinder and reached for his shoulders.
"I'm sorry", he whispered, looking at the blood. "Sorry, I didn't ... never again." Thickly. But they both knew he couldn't promise that.
It had been good, that power.
It had been scary.
Maury subtly tightened some strings.
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They both deserved that look in Matt's eyes.
I pushed him into it. Mohinder's own thoughts. He could almost smell the evilness of it. The smugness. He didn't know how to cope properly with it except to get away.
Never again? "You're right," Mohinder said, getting to his feet. "Never again." He shouldn't take Molly away but he couldn't leave her here. A tantrum from Matt could kill the poor girl.
It nearly had once before when Matt sent her against Maury.
"We're leaving," he said, carefully now, pushing the door open behind him. Peter was in the hall, rounding the corner to head to his own room when he stopped as Mohinder backed himself into his path.
"Mo--" Mohinder stopped his words with a shake of the head. This wasn't Peter's fight. Even if he seemed to once more find himself in the middle again. He couldn't leave it.
Mohinder was bloody.
"What the hell?!"
Mohinder kept his eyes on Matt. "Molly and I are leaving. Tonight. Now."
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Matt had really hurt him. He had. And that hadn't even been - he could've done so much worse and he nearly had ...
Peter looked between them, wary and scared but mostly confused, and his mind touched Matt's briefly with a question but Matt didn't respond. He wasn't important. He was his friend, or had been, but he wasn't important right now.
Mohinder was. And Molly. They were his family and his world, and they were leaving.
But he understood why.
He shook his head.
"No, I ... I'll go. Let me just- let me say goodbye to her. Okay? I'll ..."
Mohinder hadn't quite been begging, but Matt already was.
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Peter stood in the hallway, trying to figure out what had happened. Mohinder evidently confessed. Had Matt hit him? Peter didn't think he could believe that.
He stood a silent guardian by Molly's room as Matt gently woke her up.
"Matt? You look sad. Bad dreams?" she asked, sitting up against her pillows. Fine, honey colored hair bunched up at her neck. She moved to hug him before she saw the blood on his shirt. "Are you hurt?!"
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An accident. It wasn't exactly a lie, except it absolutely was. Molly was pale and felt cold where he touched her, something he'd noticed increasingly lately and that Mohinder had theorised at some point was maybe because she was moving less - when she did have energy to hang out with Simon, she did, but she curled up in bed with a book or a sketch pad all too often for either of them to feel happy about it. She said she was just tired but couldn't explain why. Her eyes were slightly dimmed - a loss of spark.
And Matt didn't want to leave her because she might need him, because he was her father and wanted to protect her, because he needed her too, but he'd ... Mohinder was right. For the time being, at least, he should ... what? Collect himself?
He'd scared him. He'd scared himself. He needed to figure that out, and then they could be together again. When the dust had settled.
He sighed and tried to ignore the sting in his eyes when he drew back to look at his girl. She looked back at him, worried and fearful. And as always, she was entirely too perceptive. "Matt, what did you do?"
And then he very nearly did break into tears, but he just took a shaky breath.
"A mistake. I'm sorry, Molly, I ... I have to go away for a bit. Just- just keep Mohinder safe for me, okay?"
"You'll be back, right? Right Matt?" and he pulled her into a hug, trying to show her exactly how much he loved her.
"Yeah, of course", he whispered at her and hoped it was true. "I love you, sweetheart. Okay?"
"Okay", she agreed quietly, and Matt kissed her again before he stood. He looked at Peter for a moment. It stretched on, but then Matt broke the eye contact and went back across the hall to get the most important of his things. And to talk to Mohinder. Hopefully. He had to.
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He'd never imagined a life without Matt, not even when they were parted in New York, not even when they were drifting here in Maine. That it had come to pass, that they were looking at a voluntary separation, was almost too much.
Mohinder had that masochistic side to him, however. He craved what was bad for him and though Matt had hurt him so very much, he was actually toying with the idea of forgiving him.
But what if it happened again? They weren't a good fit, he told himself, staring at the blood speckled white porcelain. They'd come together because they'd needed to. Their romance was mostly lust.
You had nothing in common.
They had nothing at all in common.
He saw the shadow behind him and looked up, eyes red, to stare at the reflection. Fear gripped him and he turned immediately. He had never been afraid of Matt before.
He's a monster. Like Sylar? It was their nature to take.
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His hands were in his back pockets, his posture opened up. That wouldn't help. But it was a subconscious effort to look as small and unthreatening as possible in response to the fear in Mohinder's eyes and what he could sense of it in his mind, but he made sure to close their mental connection off. He couldn't risk anything else. And he didn't want to hear. He felt bad enough already.
"Mohinder", he started weakly, but then had to start over when his voice cut off. "Mohinder, I'm so sorry. I ... I never ... I'm sorry", and he hated himself right then, he really did, "I love you."
It was pleading and he really had no right to say that. But he already felt like he was grasping at straws. That wasn't him - hurting people like that, saying those things, that wasn't him. And he wasn't sure how to convince Mohinder of that since he didn't think he could convince himself.
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Pushing Matt away would end up being a mistake but most of his life choices were mistakes. He had Molly to think about, if not his own well being.
Matt was lost to him. He'd played his dominance game, tore at his mind, pushed past misdeeds in his face. Another mindrape. Mohinder couldn't take another one. Not even the chance of one.
"Be that...as it may. I'll accept your apology. What I did behind your back was wrong." Though he had come clean right away. "But your choice to punish me in that way for it-- I do not think I can forget it so easily. We're-- Love does not make people right for each other. I was...hasty. Foolish. I won't keep Molly from you but for some time at least you must let me protect her. Your anger-- You need to find a way to manage what you can do or you'll end up like--"
Sylar.
Mohinder swallowed. "Like men you try to protect the world from."
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And here it was. He'd finally snapped. He knew he could do - well, almost anything, and that in itself was enough to scare him half to death, but he'd never thought he'd direct that kind of power towards people he loved. People who really, truly mattered.
He couldn't risk it. He had to ... just process, just go away for a moment, just ... it'd be okay after, he tried to tell himself, but he already felt a deep sense of loss. His throat was tight and he felt the tears, but he nodded.
"I never wanted ... I'm sorry", he said again, voice breaking slightly. "I'll ... will you give me a call?"
He didn't think he could bring himself to reach out first. He had no right. He'd done wrong by them.
"I'll figure it out and then ..."
No, he couldn't really finish that. It rang too hollow. He scrubbed his hand over his face and just looked at Mohinder, who was brilliant and amazing and imperfect in ways Matt knew he loved, but the rift between them was suddenly a chasm. In just one day. Just an hour, half an hour, a moment. Nice job, Parkman. Fucking flawless.
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He nearly broke his jaw with how tightly he clenched it. "Matt--" If he left, when would he see him again? A different sort of fear crept into his stomach. "Yes. Of course I'll-- I'll have Molly call you as often as possible."
Tell him to leave.
Mohinder couldn't make himself do that...so he had to leave first himself, skirting around Matt without touching him.
"You don't have to leave...tonight. I'm going to stay with Molly." And that, hopefully, would be the end of it. He wanted to grieve silently, alone.
Losing Matt, no matter how scared he was of him, was going to break him.
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"Bye, Mohinder", he said quietly when Mohinder left the room, and then gathered the most important things. Cell phone, charger, gun, ID; keys. The car keys.
He did allow himself a mental cloak when he left the house, not wanting to be stopped by anyone on the way down. He knew Peter would likely have tried to talk to him. But Matt was a stronger telepath and Peter wouldn't notice him leaving, nor would anyone else; he'd be gone when they next looked.
He drove for a while. The roads were almost completely empty - there was still some way to go to get to the actual city and the sky was dark. Eventually he parked near a side road, killed the engine and pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes, just stopping.
Thinking. Processing. Dying, honestly. It felt that way.
It was fortunate that the rest of the household was still asleep. This was all really late, but Peter was still up. He couldn't quite figure out what had happened, but he knew Matt was gone and that Mohinder was shaken. After Mohinder had calmed Molly down and gotten her to sleep and seemed like he was about to collapse in one way or the other, Peter quietly knocked on the door frame, entering the girl's room to get Mohinder's attention.
He really needed to figure this out. Help out, if he could. They were both his friends and it was clear that they were both torn apart by whatever had happened.
"Hey", he said gently, unsure but reassuring just from the tone he used. "Are you gonna tell me what happened?"
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Mohinder almost tackled Peter to get him out of the room and with a push to his chest to match the bloody one he left on Matt's, he shut the door behind himself. The hall was not the right place for this conversation but there was little to be done about it. He did not want Peter in the room he and Matt had shared.
"I told him what happened. He was understandably angry and used my thoughts against me."
That was short. Simple. As to the point as possible.
And it explained the blood at Mohinder's nose. Matt hadn't physically attacked him but that would have been easier to deal with in a way. Bruises would fade from his skin. The mental scars of Matt's punishment would not.
He'd managed to keep himself stoic until he saw the look in Peter's eyes and then everything broke. His shoulders slumped and the tears came.
"It was my fault... But he had no right--" Mohinder was not a kicked dog. He could not forget the way Matt had looked in his anger.
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And the explanation ... Peter was relieved, to a point. Abilities were difficult sometimes. It was easy to lose control and act on instinct. It didn't excuse Matt's actions at all, no, and from what Peter had seen of Matt's powers it was as far from reassuring as possible to know that he'd used them on Mohinder. 'Just' his power didn't exist with Matt because Matt's potential was beyond scary. But the thing was that a phsyical attack would have been even more out of character for the guy he considered his friend.
But all that reasoning aside, his immediate concern was still worry. Concern and alarm. He reached out, a hand to Mohinder's shoulder, trying to catch his eyes.
"Oh, shit", he said, because he knew that he wouldn't have wanted Matt to use his thoughts against him. "Hey, I'm sorry. Are you okay? Here-"
He motioned backwards a little. They didn't have to do this in the middle of the hall, but if Mohinder needed the moment to just lean against the wall, Peter wouldn't leave.
"How are you feeling?"
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He and Matt had not been together very long in the grand scheme of things but losing him was enough to kick him in the gut over and over and over again.
"I loved him. What I've done...it's inexcusable. Tomorrow I'll talk with Molly. I think it might be best if we leave." Peter didn't feel like a temptation any more. In fact, his mind felt...freer. Less heavy now. With Matt gone, that little whispering voice in the back of his skull was gone too.
He could breathe again.
And Peter was... Well. A friend. He couldn't even begin to understand why he'd kissed him.
"I've no idea what to do with her now. What to do with myself either."
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"Yeah, maybe ... but look, Mohinder? It's not all your fault. He hurt you, too." He wanted to stress that. Mohinder had a habit of centering himself as the fault of things, that much had been clear from their more frequent talks. But Peter didn't think it was like that. This was something he and Matt both had to work out.
"You're - you can stay here anytime. For as long as you want." He paused, glancing towards Molly's room. He wasn't sure whether he should try to stop Mohinder from leaving or not altogether, but he didn't think it'd be a good idea for them to just go. Not now. "Maybe you should stick around for a day or two. Figure something out. You can't just pick her up and leave just like that. And ... call me crazy, but I don't think you should do anything right now. Just .. take a moment. Okay?"
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A small smile, completely fake, curled up on his lips as he lowered his eyes to the ground. There were so many shadows in the air.
The darkness wasn't as comforting as he'd expected.
He was destined, he knew, to be alone. He was the happiest alone. Whatever he and Matt had tried to do, it was commendable but it was nothing if not doomed from the start. "Listen, Peter....for what happened tonight between us-- I must have been lonely. I... I hadn't meant to come onto you. You're a wonderful friend. I'm so sorry if I made anything awkward. I... It was a terrible mistake on my part and for that, I take full responsibility."
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Whatever it was, though, Peter knew it wasn't about him. So he smiled, a little. "Don't worry about it. Just let me know if you need anything, alright?"
Like Mohinder had just said - they were friends. He wanted to help, if he could. Much like the way he also wanted to talk to Matt, but he knew that'd have to wait for now.
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When he left Sullivan Bros, he was still in his white and red striped vest and his pant pockets were filled with little bags of kernels he use to delight children with by popping them right in his hand.
He made some good tips.
And on nights that tips weren't so good, he sucked a lot of cock.
It was ridiculous. That wasn't luck.
So when he stormed into a truck stop with twenty bucks and two days worth of hunger, he first thoughts were about hurting people. The attached diner was filled with a lot of fat nobodies. Luke picked his mark easily enough because he was the only dude that didn't look like he might kill him if he propositioned him.
He slid into the booth opposite a scruffy looking guy and smiled fakely at him. "Where're you headed, man? Buy me dinner and take me half way and I'll make it worth your while."
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But he was still telepathic. He was still on edge and alert and still trying to figure out what he was even doing there and how he'd gotten there. But at the same time, other people's thoughts were a way of getting away from his own.
He'd immediately heard the kid's and what they were centered on. Hurting people. Fucking people too, or rather detached thoughts about being fucked enough times to get out of his own miserable part of life. It was a mix of thoughs Matt didn't want to deal with, but life isn't especially charitable like that, and he ended up staring this thoughts down. They had a surprisingly hard face. The smile was pasted on.
He was practically glaring when the kid tried to chat him up. He didn't have time for this. He didn't want to deal with this. But he couldn't just walk away either, so he sighed and dropped his voice.
"Listen kid, I know what you're thinking. Trust me, I'm not your guy. If you want to wreck yourself, fine, but I'm not gonna help you."
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His mom had been more than happy to let him go. She hadn't even called the cops when he stole the car. She was afraid of him, pleased he left after getting blood on the carpet. Blood...and boiled whatever else was in that guy.
It still felt good to think about it.
Dark eyes rimmed in red from sleepless nights and smoke searched Matt's face.
Just take his wallet and run then, he was thinking to himself, almost lazily. When he follows, I'll singe all the hair off of his prick. Lumbering asshole probably couldn't catch me anyhow.
"All I want is a ride, dude. To anywhere. And something to eat. Can't you help a guy out?"
Out of condoms anyhow.
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Matt tilted his head very slightly to the side and his eyes narrowed. He blocked away the others, the stream of thoughts he'd let wash over him, and instead focused on the kid.
He was almost surprised. He'd heard a lot of these kind of thoughts before from punks who thought they were tough, but again; something a bit different about this one.
He grit his teeth at that last thought. God, no. He didn't want anything to do with this guy that way.
"Right. Why don't you tell me how the hell you wound up here anyway, huh?"
Yeah, he'd always be a cop. He was supposed to talk delinquents down, convince them to go home and play nice. Really didn't think it'd work here after everything that had happened in the world, but it was second nature. Assess the damage. See if you can help.
Oh, but how reluctant he was when Luke was thinking of him that way, and his eyes remained wary.
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Luke reached across the table to snag a fry from Matt's plate, sucking suggestively on the tip. He didn't like to do it. Sex sort of grossed him out but money was may more important than anything else these days. He couldn't just leave a trail of corpses, boiled in their cigarette stinking flannel shirts and open jeans. It would lead the Company right to him.
The Company. That made him balk and he shoved the fry into his mouth almost viciously. "Thought you knew what I was thinking."
A test for a test? Luke leaned forward. His eyes were almost desperate and he was an open book anyhow. At seventeen years old, he thought even more loudly than Molly.
"Why don't you tell me?"
It was all right there for Matt. Sylar. The agent that he killed. The way he use to egg people on to beat him up. His father's abuse. The carnival--
Anything Matt wanted was right there.
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And - yeah. Yeah, he read his mind. Mostly because he hadn't expected it to be offered but even moreso because he hadn't expected Luke to consider his words literally. 'I know what you're thinking' was just as often just something you said. But then ... this guy could boil people from the inside.
Could do that, and laugh about it. To Sylar. Sylar. Everything else clouded over to Matt, became unfocused, and he zeroed in on it in a way that Luke would likely feel even if he hadn't had Matt's sudden look to clue him in on it.
"Sylar", he said in a low tone through his teeth. "You were with Sylar? When?"
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He knows Sylar. Play. It. Cool.
"Yeah dude, 'course I know that asshole," Luke said with an air of a lovesick little girl. He shrugged, trying to pretend it was all just fine. He even put his arm on the back of the booth as nonchalantly as possible.
That...was pretty impossible though.
"Uh-- Why? I mean it's been like a few weeks...we were traveling together and--"
You can seriously read my mind? Okay? That's seriously fucking cool.
Matt had gone from john to target to someone to cling to of sorts. It didn't bode well for the older man. "Well he fucking left me to go see his dad or some shit. What the fuck ever, right? Dude's a freak." A amazing. Shit where he is? "Do you work for that fucktard Company?"
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Yep. Passed out. Sorry about that.
no worries. c:
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