seekevolution: (happy)
Mohinder Suresh ([personal profile] seekevolution) wrote2014-03-05 02:55 pm

Summer

Though Mohinder didn't buy into the saying that there could be such a thing as love at first sight, the way that Simon Petrelli looked at Molly when they were first introduced made him reconsider and then immediately close his thoughts so Matt wouldn't worry. Mohinder gently pulled her long hair back from her shoulder so his hand could rest upon it, Molly in a bright red and yellow sundress,and said shoulder covered by a small yellow half jacket. They'd both been pleased to find it at Walmart on the drive up from Fort Lee to Maine, taking the long, scenic route even though Peter had offered them a chance to teleport.

Why teleport when they could have more time together and see the country? Molly needed a little break away from enclosed spaces and the forests along their mountain roads in New York and at the southern border of Canada was just the ticket.

Of course, there had been blighted areas, places where the virus had broken out, or worse, where communities had closed their doors and grown violent. They had just guided their black SUV around the problem areas and stuck to rural hotels on the interstate.

Now, standing in the foyer of what looked like another hotel and yet, knowing it was a family summer retreat, Mohinder could feel Molly yearning to go explore...and the eldest of Peter's nephews more than willing to guide her.

They were both the same age. They'd both been without playmates (what nearly twelve year old counts their brother as a playmate?) for a long while. Mrs. Petrelli, gracious despite her furtive glances at Matt, finally gave them the go head. "Show Molly to her room. Gently, Simon. She's not one of your trucks." Molly glanced back up at Mohinder and he nodded.

"I'll come find you shortly."
keepinmind: (that looks like sarcasm)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-07 10:21 pm (UTC)(link)
"Because you're never even here!" Matt hissed back. "You're always with Peter and- oh, I guess I know why now, don't I?"

He was glaring. He was probably unfair to try to lobby the blame back onto Mohinder, but he didn't think about it that way. It was justified. Mohinder had kissed Peter, had spent all that time with him, had probably wanted to do it, and that was on him, not on Matt.

Matt wanted Mohinder. That was all. If he wasn't enough for Mohinder, then -- well.

Honestly, he'd expected that, too. Mohinder was way out of his league, he'd said that before, had been thinking it, but ... he hadn't expected Mohinder to betray him. Mohinder knew him better than anyone else and he trusted him.

He did come clean, he reminded himself, but something crushed that thought before it was fully formed.

"Do you even want me to touch you anymore? Or is it Peter you want? Huh?"
keepinmind: (more talk)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-07 10:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Matt could read minds now without any particular effort, but he still tilted his head slightly in that familiar way that meant he was listening. Maybe he wanted Mohinder to see that he was taking him up on that, whether it was a challenge or an offer. Mohinder wouldn't be able to argue about anything Matt found there, after all. Not when they were his own thoughts.

He looked Mohinder in the eyes. Something about telepathy always came easier with eye contact, but it was partially because he wanted to look at him. Wanted to see how he'd react.

Because he was still carried by the momentum of his anger, and that meant he was aggressive. He didn't raise his voice but every word was a jab.

"How the hell would I know when you have no idea? All you can think about is what you don't want. You don't- don't want this, don't want- Jesus, is there anything you want other than making an exit right now?"
keepinmind: (talk them down)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-07 11:16 pm (UTC)(link)
That's where Matt should have stopped. Where he should have - and did - flash back to the harm he'd done Angela, to all the harm he'd caused in New York, at one point bodies laid out around him, all of them pacified with the simple command to stop and sleep and then they were gone for long enough for him and Peter to get to the supplies and get out of there ...

Maybe Mohinder was right to be scared of him. Especially when something else was brushing his anger like kindling, keeping it alive.

He didn't realize. His own judgment was clouded.

He found a memory. Sylar. Zane. He dug it up and brought it to the forefront of Mohinder's mind.

"What man? The guy everybody used?"

He found another. A boyfriend. Experiments. He found Bennet and Bob, each of them pulling Mohinder in different directions to suit their own needs.

"You really want to be that guy?"

It was cruel. It was unfair. Mohinder was bleeding and Matt was blind.

"I never used you", he said, dropping his voice. "I never did. And you want to throw that away because you're scared."
keepinmind: (goddamn company)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-08 12:09 am (UTC)(link)
Matt was trembling with energy, with the potential of it all - and he didn't think the words but it was dug up in his head still, the memory, the it becomes so much more - there was so much he could do here. He could do anything.

But why would he? Why would he want to? He didn't want to hurt Mohinder. He was bleeding and crying and he wasn't standing up for himself anymore, not even physically, and that energy that Matt was holding onto fractured when he suddenly took that in.

It turned into small fragments of mental power. Small glass shards of thoughts that Matt had to keep in his own head or he'd hurt someone. Mohinder. Would hurt him even worse.

He didn't want to.

He wanted to.

He didn't, not for anything in the world. But the anger was still there, even as he backed away finally, pushed away and let go and instead pulled both his hands through his hair.

"I care!" he said after a moment, an urgency in his voice. "You have no idea what you mean to me, Mohinder, no idea. I can't just ..."

Trailed off. What was he saying? Something anguished. His mind felt confused. Big, endless. And conflicted. What was he doing?
keepinmind: (fear)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-08 12:47 am (UTC)(link)
Matt struggled a moment longer with what was happening to him and then when he ... when he gathered himself, he finally truly saw what was happening to Mohinder. And the anger melted from him thickly and slowly while he stood and stared, but it did, and it had stained him deeply and he knew he'd crossed some kind of threshold, but now he could only try to deal with what was there.

He swallowed. He cautiously approached Mohinder again but made himself smaller. Tried to, anyway.

"I - Mohinder ..."

His voice was quiet and regretful when he leaned to offer Mohinder a hand, but when Mohinder seemed to shy away from even that, looked scared - felt scared, it was loud in his head - Matt felt it like another punch.

Well. He'd earned that one.

He hesitated and then sank to his knees in front of Mohinder and reached for his shoulders.

"I'm sorry", he whispered, looking at the blood. "Sorry, I didn't ... never again." Thickly. But they both knew he couldn't promise that.

It had been good, that power.

It had been scary.

Maury subtly tightened some strings.
keepinmind: (all you have left are your nightmares)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-08 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
Matt's heart broke. Immediately, and into so many pieces he would never find them all and much less put them together, but even as he stood and his eyes stung with tears, he looked back at Mohinder's. He saw the hurt there, the fear.

Matt had really hurt him. He had. And that hadn't even been - he could've done so much worse and he nearly had ...

Peter looked between them, wary and scared but mostly confused, and his mind touched Matt's briefly with a question but Matt didn't respond. He wasn't important. He was his friend, or had been, but he wasn't important right now.

Mohinder was. And Molly. They were his family and his world, and they were leaving.

But he understood why.

He shook his head.

"No, I ... I'll go. Let me just- let me say goodbye to her. Okay? I'll ..."

Mohinder hadn't quite been begging, but Matt already was.
keepinmind: (loves her so)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-09 02:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Matt stroked her hair and kissed her forehead as he shushed her. "No, sweetheart, it's alright, it was an accident."

An accident. It wasn't exactly a lie, except it absolutely was. Molly was pale and felt cold where he touched her, something he'd noticed increasingly lately and that Mohinder had theorised at some point was maybe because she was moving less - when she did have energy to hang out with Simon, she did, but she curled up in bed with a book or a sketch pad all too often for either of them to feel happy about it. She said she was just tired but couldn't explain why. Her eyes were slightly dimmed - a loss of spark.

And Matt didn't want to leave her because she might need him, because he was her father and wanted to protect her, because he needed her too, but he'd ... Mohinder was right. For the time being, at least, he should ... what? Collect himself?

He'd scared him. He'd scared himself. He needed to figure that out, and then they could be together again. When the dust had settled.

He sighed and tried to ignore the sting in his eyes when he drew back to look at his girl. She looked back at him, worried and fearful. And as always, she was entirely too perceptive. "Matt, what did you do?"

And then he very nearly did break into tears, but he just took a shaky breath.

"A mistake. I'm sorry, Molly, I ... I have to go away for a bit. Just- just keep Mohinder safe for me, okay?"

"You'll be back, right? Right Matt?" and he pulled her into a hug, trying to show her exactly how much he loved her.

"Yeah, of course", he whispered at her and hoped it was true. "I love you, sweetheart. Okay?"

"Okay", she agreed quietly, and Matt kissed her again before he stood. He looked at Peter for a moment. It stretched on, but then Matt broke the eye contact and went back across the hall to get the most important of his things. And to talk to Mohinder. Hopefully. He had to.
keepinmind: (don't say that)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-09 02:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Matt felt more than a little broken, especially when Mohinder looked at him that way. He swallowed and sank back, making sure not to approach the way he had before. The way he normally would have. He kept a very safe distance between them, not touching Mohinder's personal sphere at all.

His hands were in his back pockets, his posture opened up. That wouldn't help. But it was a subconscious effort to look as small and unthreatening as possible in response to the fear in Mohinder's eyes and what he could sense of it in his mind, but he made sure to close their mental connection off. He couldn't risk anything else. And he didn't want to hear. He felt bad enough already.

"Mohinder", he started weakly, but then had to start over when his voice cut off. "Mohinder, I'm so sorry. I ... I never ... I'm sorry", and he hated himself right then, he really did, "I love you."

It was pleading and he really had no right to say that. But he already felt like he was grasping at straws. That wasn't him - hurting people like that, saying those things, that wasn't him. And he wasn't sure how to convince Mohinder of that since he didn't think he could convince himself.
keepinmind: (facehands)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-09 03:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Matt had a hand over his eyes when he nodded. Mohinder was right. He was all too right. Matt had - he'd thought about it before. He knew that a lot of the things he'd done in New York had been crossing a line, but the situation had justified it. He knew he'd crossed lines before, had felt sick when he'd realized how easy it was too, just from wanting something, and he'd ... talked to Mohinder about it too, how haunted he felt and how difficult it was to live with that temptation.

And here it was. He'd finally snapped. He knew he could do - well, almost anything, and that in itself was enough to scare him half to death, but he'd never thought he'd direct that kind of power towards people he loved. People who really, truly mattered.

He couldn't risk it. He had to ... just process, just go away for a moment, just ... it'd be okay after, he tried to tell himself, but he already felt a deep sense of loss. His throat was tight and he felt the tears, but he nodded.

"I never wanted ... I'm sorry", he said again, voice breaking slightly. "I'll ... will you give me a call?"

He didn't think he could bring himself to reach out first. He had no right. He'd done wrong by them.

"I'll figure it out and then ..."

No, he couldn't really finish that. It rang too hollow. He scrubbed his hand over his face and just looked at Mohinder, who was brilliant and amazing and imperfect in ways Matt knew he loved, but the rift between them was suddenly a chasm. In just one day. Just an hour, half an hour, a moment. Nice job, Parkman. Fucking flawless.
keepinmind: (all you have left are your nightmares)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-09 03:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Matt shook his head. He wanted to stick around - he wanted to do that so badly, and he found himself toying with the idea of just erasing all of this, of going back to just an hour earlier, but ... no. He couldn't trust himself. He couldn't do anything like that and live with himself, either. He needed to get away. At least for the moment. He didn't want to, but he knew that he had to.

"Bye, Mohinder", he said quietly when Mohinder left the room, and then gathered the most important things. Cell phone, charger, gun, ID; keys. The car keys.

He did allow himself a mental cloak when he left the house, not wanting to be stopped by anyone on the way down. He knew Peter would likely have tried to talk to him. But Matt was a stronger telepath and Peter wouldn't notice him leaving, nor would anyone else; he'd be gone when they next looked.

He drove for a while. The roads were almost completely empty - there was still some way to go to get to the actual city and the sky was dark. Eventually he parked near a side road, killed the engine and pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes, just stopping.

Thinking. Processing. Dying, honestly. It felt that way.


It was fortunate that the rest of the household was still asleep. This was all really late, but Peter was still up. He couldn't quite figure out what had happened, but he knew Matt was gone and that Mohinder was shaken. After Mohinder had calmed Molly down and gotten her to sleep and seemed like he was about to collapse in one way or the other, Peter quietly knocked on the door frame, entering the girl's room to get Mohinder's attention.

He really needed to figure this out. Help out, if he could. They were both his friends and it was clear that they were both torn apart by whatever had happened.

"Hey", he said gently, unsure but reassuring just from the tone he used. "Are you gonna tell me what happened?"
keepinmind: (behind)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-09 04:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, he hadn't meant to stay - if Mohinder hadn't been in such a hurry to get him out of there, he actually would've motioned for him to join him elsewhere. But there was something almost reassuring about Mohinder's energy when he pushed at him. It meant he was still himself, or that he would be. This desperation wasn't his but silence and idling were traits that would be even less so.

And the explanation ... Peter was relieved, to a point. Abilities were difficult sometimes. It was easy to lose control and act on instinct. It didn't excuse Matt's actions at all, no, and from what Peter had seen of Matt's powers it was as far from reassuring as possible to know that he'd used them on Mohinder. 'Just' his power didn't exist with Matt because Matt's potential was beyond scary. But the thing was that a phsyical attack would have been even more out of character for the guy he considered his friend.

But all that reasoning aside, his immediate concern was still worry. Concern and alarm. He reached out, a hand to Mohinder's shoulder, trying to catch his eyes.

"Oh, shit", he said, because he knew that he wouldn't have wanted Matt to use his thoughts against him. "Hey, I'm sorry. Are you okay? Here-"

He motioned backwards a little. They didn't have to do this in the middle of the hall, but if Mohinder needed the moment to just lean against the wall, Peter wouldn't leave.

"How are you feeling?"
keepinmind: (behind)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-09 05:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Peter took a step back with the way Mohinder shifted away from him. They touched a lot in his family so he'd been compelled to offer that out of habit and instinct, but it wasn't what Mohinder wanted or needed, he could see that now. So he stopped. He tried to always take heed of what others were saying to him, in words or without.

"Yeah, maybe ... but look, Mohinder? It's not all your fault. He hurt you, too." He wanted to stress that. Mohinder had a habit of centering himself as the fault of things, that much had been clear from their more frequent talks. But Peter didn't think it was like that. This was something he and Matt both had to work out.

"You're - you can stay here anytime. For as long as you want." He paused, glancing towards Molly's room. He wasn't sure whether he should try to stop Mohinder from leaving or not altogether, but he didn't think it'd be a good idea for them to just go. Not now. "Maybe you should stick around for a day or two. Figure something out. You can't just pick her up and leave just like that. And ... call me crazy, but I don't think you should do anything right now. Just .. take a moment. Okay?"
keepinmind: (behind)

[personal profile] keepinmind 2014-04-09 05:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Peter had no trouble accepting that. He believed Mohinder meant that and moreoever did believe it wasn't something Mohinder had meant to do, not like that. Mohinder might've used past tense but Peter believed he still loved Matt and that Matt loved him. He couldn't say what had caused the break between them and that probably should have worried him more than it did, because he could usually read people pretty well.

Whatever it was, though, Peter knew it wasn't about him. So he smiled, a little. "Don't worry about it. Just let me know if you need anything, alright?"

Like Mohinder had just said - they were friends. He wanted to help, if he could. Much like the way he also wanted to talk to Matt, but he knew that'd have to wait for now.

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