seekevolution | Summer

Summer

Though Mohinder didn't buy into the saying that there could be such a thing as love at first sight, the way that Simon Petrelli looked at Molly when they were first introduced made him reconsider and then immediately close his thoughts so Matt wouldn't worry. Mohinder gently pulled her long hair back from her shoulder so his hand could rest upon it, Molly in a bright red and yellow sundress,and said shoulder covered by a small yellow half jacket. They'd both been pleased to find it at Walmart on the drive up from Fort Lee to Maine, taking the long, scenic route even though Peter had offered them a chance to teleport.

Why teleport when they could have more time together and see the country? Molly needed a little break away from enclosed spaces and the forests along their mountain roads in New York and at the southern border of Canada was just the ticket.

Of course, there had been blighted areas, places where the virus had broken out, or worse, where communities had closed their doors and grown violent. They had just guided their black SUV around the problem areas and stuck to rural hotels on the interstate.

Now, standing in the foyer of what looked like another hotel and yet, knowing it was a family summer retreat, Mohinder could feel Molly yearning to go explore...and the eldest of Peter's nephews more than willing to guide her.

They were both the same age. They'd both been without playmates (what nearly twelve year old counts their brother as a playmate?) for a long while. Mrs. Petrelli, gracious despite her furtive glances at Matt, finally gave them the go head. "Show Molly to her room. Gently, Simon. She's not one of your trucks." Molly glanced back up at Mohinder and he nodded.

"I'll come find you shortly."

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"It would cause Matt stress and he doesn't need that." Of course, Mohinder being stressed out wouldn't do either of them any good either but the sex helped. And knowing Molly was taken care of and safe helped. "I should buy a computer and work from home." He smiled appreciatively at Peter.

Worrying Matt needlessly seemed like a good way to a bad argument and they hadn't fought in weeks. It was good between them, a little too good. Mohinder needed that friction, though. He felt stagnant like this.

There was a reason no one stayed with him.

His mind wandered. And when it wandered, he was left ignoring the people he ought to care most about. That sudden thought terrified him.

"And I'll be honest, I have no idea why Matt's with me. I have no idea what I did right this time. It's unnerving." He sighed. "Sometimes it doesn't even feel real."

If Peter picked up on those thoughts he didn't say anything. He wasn't as in tune to telepathy as Matt was - didn't really have the background noise the same way, hadn't started using it as a sixth sense. He had to focus differently to bring it out. And he had no reason to be reading Mohinder's thoughts.

So the fears were silent to him, even if they were showing between the lines of what Mohinder was saying. Peter offered a quick, reassuring smile in response to that. One coupled with a slightly teasing light in his eyes, if you looked for it.

"Come on, Mohinder, low self esteem doesn't suit you. You just saved the world, remember?"

He leaned forward a little. Earnest.

"You're both lucky people. What you guys have? It is real. If you want my advice, it's try not to worry about it."

"Oh, it's not low self esteem," he protested, feeling perhaps a little awkward discussing this at all. He normally would have just held it in, but it felt liberating not to have to. Poor Peter was left to be an ear to something he might not actually be all that interesting in. "It's-- He was with a woman for most of his life. The same woman. And he was divorced for very little time before he caught a hold of my thoughts towards him."

If self esteem wasn't the issue, then certainly fear was, as if Matt might 'snap out of it' at any second. It was a terrible thought, as if Matt would eventually get over the newness of their relationship or suddenly realise--

"He's not gay."

Mohinder might have been feeling around a little to see what side of the fence Peter might be on.

Whatever Peter had expected, it wasn't that. It was an understandable fear if you thought about it, but that was exactly it - Peter hadn't thought about it. From what he knew Matt hadn't thought about it. But of course Mohinder would. He was the scientist, the analyst.

Peter's brow furrowed in momentary confusion. Then there was that hint of a smile again when he shook his head.

"Look, if you're gonna worry about that forever, you're gonna make yourself sick. Maybe he isn't. Maybe he just doesn't care. There are people like that, you know."

That'd be the answer to the question Mohinder wasn't asking, most likely. Peter had always felt that you could look beyond those precious words everyone used to find connections. It was possible. It was just about being brave enough.

"I suppose so..." Worrying forever hadn't been Mohinder's plan. He's just figured that he'd worry for a small while and after a year or so, realise that Matt was here to stay. It sounded ridiculous in his head and he turned back to Peter with a shy smile. "What about you? No interest in a partner? You've earned some settling down."

Even though neither of them wanted to settle down, having someone to do it with helped.

"It must be...difficult...meeting someone with similar interests." Being a superhero could have it's downside. And now he was just blabbering on, mentioning the people they knew who knew about and could accept Peter. "Which really leaves quite a small pool. Unless you hid it--"

Tuned in to the conversation, Maury rolled his eyes. There was a reason Mohinder didn't have a lot of friends, he realized. The Indian was annoying. He gave him a little nudge to get him back on track before he filled Molly's head with nightmares.

They were subtle, though. Beautifully crafted works of art, every single one nudged just so into place to bring her discomfort and illness but nothing that'd make her understand. She had no reason to look for Maury and he made sure she wouldn't. He just gently wrapped her sunshine mind into clouds, making her fidget and turn but not scream. She'd get that later.

He left Matt alone and Mohinder with a gentle reminder that maybe he should, too.

Peter wasn't aware of any of this. He had no reason to look for a third telepath. No, he shook his head instead with a sad smile in place as he thumbed his lower lip, clearly thinking back on something.

"I didn't have to", he said softly. "Back when- before all this ... there was this girl. I didn't understand what was happening to me and she helped the world make sense."

Caitlin had been a spot of light in the confusing haze surrounding him at the time. He looked up briefly at Mohinder, then looked down and away, sighing.

"I lost her."

He'd tried going back for her but that future had never happened now. She was gone. He had to carry that burden of knowing that he'd unwittingly erased a person from history. And while he couldn't say with any certainty that he'd loved her, he still felt the loss.

His shoulders hiked up slightly as he thought about it.

If there was one thing to ruin Maury's plans for the evening, it was Peter's sob story. How could Mohinder even think on hitting on someone, subconsciously or not, with the younger man's sorry dished right up to him like that? Mohinder spent over an hour in that kitchen, listening to Peter talk about Ireland and the girl and the future he'd desperately wanted to stop.

A future that no longer existed. And he'd taken her there, completely erasing her too.

They had some rum and coke after that, just sitting outside on the veranda and talking about this or that as the sun slowly rose. By then, Mohinder was smashed, singing softly and making Peter try to sing along with him too.

"Oh honestly," Angela's voice came from behind them. "I'd have expected an all night binge from your brother. But Peter, really."

It left the two dissolving into giggles, though Peter wasn't drunk at all thanks to the gift he'd gotten from Claire. There would only be one of them throwing up in the near future.

Oh, he'd find a way around it. But by the time they got to drinking Maury left them and the girl alone. Fine; let them be comfortable for a while. It was still progress and even if it hadn't been he'd managed the girl. She was his orders, to turn her into leverage for Arthur - no, splitting up his son with the foreign fag he was so damn touchy with was his own personal pet project.

He had time.

By the time the sun was up Matt woke, at first not really thinking twice about Mohinder not being curled up next to him. He was usually there but he was also an earlier riser than Matt so it didn't have to mean anything. But as he got up and got dressed something stung his mind that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

He went downstairs. There was birdsong and life and laughter, and he could easily make out Mohinder's voice, but it had that quality to it -- hm.

He wasn't angry, and in fact had a teasing smile when he located his friend and boyfriend outside and leaned against the door frame casually.

"Guys, come on. I know it's summer but it's barely even morning."

Peter grinned innocently at him. "You know I'll be fine either way, Matt."

Matt snorted and pushed away from the door, moving to place a hand to Mohinder's shoulder and kiss him good morning. "He won't", he said pointedly. It was true enough that Mohinder had a habit of getting pretty drunk pretty quickly.

The sting in his mind remained, but he could ignore it for now. Things seemed easier that way.

Matt's presence made Mohinder grin and as he was kissed, he wrapped his arms around the older man's neck. "We talked," Mohinder whispered, perhaps not realising it was out loud. "All night. About you. And Catelyn." Peter arched an eyebrow almost sheepishly and offered Matt a half smile before he shrugged.

He wasn't going to rat on Mohinder. If the Indian needed to get that off of his chest, he was just going to have to figure it out himself. So, with everyone gathering for breakfast, Peter stood and gave Matt a wink. "I'll have them keep two plates in the over okay?"

Someone needed to take care of Mohinder, who couldn't even seem to be able to stand up.

"Good luck with that one." Matt would need it. Drunken Mohinder was...something else.

"Whoa, easy", Matt said with half a laugh, not having expected to be pulled down a little. He was tall and while Mohinder wasn't using any force there was still a momentary imbalance before he disentangled himself but made up for that with warm hands on Mohinder's shoulders.

Caitlin - he knew about her, but not all that much. Whatever discussion had warranted a link between him, the girl Peter lost and alcohol, he didn't think he could even begin to guess at.

"Thanks, Peter", he said and then added with a fond roll of his eyes, "shut up." He did need luck, at least to some extent. It depended a lot on what he wanted to accomplish, though.

He took Peter's previous spot and picked up a glass to sniff experimentally. Good alcohol, of course. No wonder Mohinder's thoughts were drifting off him, floating outwards without much direction.

"How're you feeling?" he asked, putting the glass back down. "You know you're gonna regret that in a few hours."

"I'm feeling--" His mind trailed off, just the same as his voice did, and after he pulled up his knees, Mohinder curled against Matt as he typically tended to do in the privacy of their own room, not out on the covered back veranda leading into the kitchen.

It was all innocent, however, Mohinder was just taking his cues from a cat at the moment and he nuzzled against the older man with an exhausted sigh. He's been up half the night for a reason he couldn't even remember now save that he had been worried about Matt. A dream? He couldn't focus on it anyhow.

Just through the door, the start of French toast and eggs could be scented, wafting in on the cross breeze from the opposite windows.

The only one who didn't pass by in the next twenty minutes was Molly, tucked in bed and just as tired as Mohinder was. Her thoughts were softer now, sleep easier with the dreams gone, so Matt would have absolutely no idea why his daughter was so exhausted--

Unless that too was part of the whole womanly cycle. He could worry about that later, though. The smell of food was turning Mohinder's stomach.

"Why'd you lemme drink," he whined.

Matt pressed his mouth to Mohinder's cheek momentarily, then shook his head when he moved back a bit in order to wrap an arm around Mohinder's waist.

"Let you? You brought this one completely upon yourself, buddy. What was the occasion, anyway?"

He was genuinely curious, but there was something slightly wary about it that he couldn't help. Being talked about was usually something bad in his experience, and while he didn't think Mohinder would purposefully hurt him and knew he was probably being irrational, there was still that somewhat guarded quality in his tone that he tried to hide.

There was nothing amusing by the way a happy buzz could turn into a sour stomach and skip right through the paranoia. Mohinder's thoughts were still fuzzy but he looked almost guilty as he pulled back from Matt's embrace. "Not...here." It probably drew more alarms for his boyfriend than Mohinder had wanted but the point wasn't to torture Matt. It was to keep whatever discussion they were about to have away from prying ears. The house was large but they were still living right against one another.

After a few false starts on the stairs, Mohinder did have to be more or less carried back up them. Their bedroom was cool, the pillows still smelled like Matt, Mohinder knew, but he chose to sit in the chair out on the balcony instead so he didn't pass out. Or throw up. Both seemed incredibly likely at this rate any way.

Waiting for Matt to sit with him, Mohinder lightly touched his knee.

"Just wondering what would happen when the novelty wore off," he said, burping horribly, and far more blunt than he'd meant to be.

Yeah, that did absolutely nothing to help Matt's ... not fears, not quite, but he was mostly silent as he helped Mohinder up the stairs, not sure what he was anticipating but anticipating something. "Not here" was code for "this is serious" and Matt did very much take serious to mean bad news.

They'd miss Molly some time into this discussion since they'd closed the door to their room, but she found her way down the stairs fine and despite feeling tired and looking a little pale, she enjoyed breakfast with the Petrellis. She didn't say as much as she usually did but still smiled brightly at Simon and Peter when they cracked their stupid little jokes.

Matt on the other hand felt increasingly concerned when Mohinder touched him like that, because normally that gesture meant companionship or a flirtation, but this time it was tentative.

"What are you talking about? What novelty?" he asked, feeling honestly confused before something in Mohinder's mind spiked and Matt's eyes widened. "You? ... sorry, Mohinder, but what's going on?"

Now was absolutely not the time to have this discussion it turned out. Mohinder couldn't even keep his own thoughts straight let alone try to convey them in any meaningful way to Matt right now. Mohinder pressed his fingers a little might tightly around the larger man's knee and almost fell out of his seat.

Broken teeth? Not graceful.

"I get worried. You-- You are brilliantly amazing. The time I spend with you-- But there's just a part of me that feels like I can't be enough for you and I'm probably going to throw up now."

When was the last time that happened, Matt? The last time someone got drunk because they were afraid of losing you?

Never. So Matt didn't even realize that's what this was - he felt confused and baffled but kicked himself into action to catch Mohinder and put the words aside for later. He gripped one of Mohinder's forearms and guided him to the bathroom, where he only moments later found himself rubbing soothing circles over the younger man's back through his shirt.

Throwing up was never anything pretty, but Matt had handled enough drunks over the years to not be especially fazed.

"You're such a lightweight", he said in a soft tone that bordered on tender when he poured Mohinder a glass of water and handed it over after a few minutes. "Better?"

He moved some of Mohinder's curls away from his face when his hand was free but his own gaze was still a little distant.

Oh God, why did he drink? Why did one little cola splashed with rum turn into some sort of contest to see who could drink the most? Mohinder knew that Peter just wasn't capable of getting drunk and he still felt some sort of way about matching each glass! He flushed the toilet often and rinsed his mouth out when the contents of his stomach was in the pipes.

"Better," he whispered, hand on the toilet seat and temple pressed against Matt's chest. "Though certainly I feel more foolish," he promised. No more drinking. No more feeling sorry for himself simply because there could be circumstances he couldn't change.

"Peter told me," he said, fielding a belch that brought the sting of acid to his throat, "that I should have better self-esteem." And he laughed, softly. "You're the best thing in my life. You and Molly. I don't have a good track record of holding onto that sort of feeling."

Matt had a hand at the back of Mohinder's neck, a small weight with fingers just curled into his hairline, and he had his chin balanced on top of the curls as the younger man spoke. He was about to tease that really, Mohinder was kind of foolish, but then there were those other words that Matt understood all too well and he didn't.

"Yeah", he said instead, "that makes two of us."

People ... left. That's what they did, what he'd figured out when he was just a boy, and even though these thoughts weren't often that conscious Matt still had the feeling pretty often. But he kept it at bay, held the positives down and enjoyed them as long as he could manage. Maybe in that respect him and Mohinder were more similar than they thought.

"Peter's probably not wrong, by the way", he added after a moment with a sort of half laugh. "You realize you're way out of my league, right?"

"You're crazy," Mohinder said, taking Matt's pale, wide hand in his own. He lightly pressed the webbing between thumb and forefinger before he settled his own palm across his boyfriend's. Matt's could swallow his up and that was a very safe feeling. Even sitting on the floor in the bathroom felt safe at the moment. It stopped the room from spinning so terribly.

Out of his league? Mohinder's mind threaded around the concept before he stopped mid thought and lifted his chin to look up at Matt. He missed the stubble actually. Clean shaven Matt was still wonderful, but the rugged, manliness-- That's what kept bothering him.

"Unless you mean that you league...tends to have a different set of genitalia."

Matt drew back a little in order to meet Mohinder's eyes. His thoughts were still fuzzy but gaining in focus and even though Matt knew he was usually allowed in Mohinder's head, he kept his distance for the moment. Noting the feel of his thoughts but not listening to the words.

"That's what you mean, novelty?" Matt shook his head and dropped his hand from the nape of Mohinder's neck to run it through his own hair. It was something he tended to do when uncertain or agitated, but he didn't let go of Mohinder's hand with his other one. "What, you think I might be in some kind of- phase? Really?"

He'd considered that, back when they'd started the tentative thing that was their relationship, but after New York he didn't have any doubts. So why would Mohinder?

"Not think-- I'd rather hope not..." It was just that, sometimes, Mohinder thought the worst. Feared the worst. Especially because his mind was inactive. He had more time to dwell. A month apart had not dwindled Matt's affections for him. Not in the slightest. Why should peace do the same when they actually had time to be close to one another?

Mohinder didn't mean to pout but thatwas just what he was doing. Pouting. He laid his cheek against Matt's shoulder and laced their fingers together.

"Perhaps it's madness," he remarked. But Mohinder had been violently jealous when they first arrived too. He truly did not believe that he could hold onto Matt in the long run.

He pulled Matt's fingers to his mouth and kissed the tips of each one in turn before he sighed.

"We finally have a moment of peace and I keep thinking that I'll lose you. It's not sane."

"It's not true, either", Matt said immediately and although his tone wasn't forceful it did have a firmness behind it that clearly said not to question the words. Mohinder would never lose him. Matt wasn't unrealistic - they might break up, go their separate ways, sure, even if he hoped that'd never happen. But it wouldn't be loss, not in that sense. Mohinder would have to all but kick him out the door if he were to leave. He was sure of that.

He squeezed Mohinder's hand, fingertips pleasantly buzzing minutely from the touch of his lips, and moved his free hand to tilt Mohinder's face up for a kiss. He couldn't taste the bile but the younger man's breath was understandably bad, but Matt was making a statement, not about to go down on him.

"I love you, okay? Just ... try to trust me."

Mohinder's hand on Matt's chest did serve to push him back after a moment and he covered his grinning mouth with one hand. Oh, that must have been horrible, he thought to himself, but here Matt was, smiling at him, willing to kiss him. And that was enough for now.

He was loved. He loved in return. And they had what would hopefully be a long, happy relationship.

"I do trust you," Mohinder replied. "And I do love you." Oh, if only he could tell his brain to turn off the worry circuit! He ended up going to bed and sleeping in, which suited everyone else just fine. Molly, brighter than the day before, got to spend some quality time with Matt, after all. She'd had a lot of one on one time with Mohinder lately and she craved some of Matt's attention now.

The summer dragged on, and for a little while, everything seemed to be at peace.

If there was one thing Matt and Mohinder would learn it really was that peace wasn't anything permanent. Because it never was. There were a lot of false starts to happiness and the first sign of things falling apart this next time was a few weeks later when Molly didn't want to get out of bed.

She had been a bit ... off, for a time. But it hadn't been anything that you couldn't overlook or explain in other ways. Oh, she's exhausted, it was a long day - it's a growth spurt, poor thing - hormones, puberty - a misunderstanding between her and Simon, the list went on.

But when Matt came to brush her hair away from her face when she hadn't gotten up yet that morning and she snuggled further into the sheets, looking pale, that was the first time he actually felt worried.

He gnawed at his lip for a moment before he went back down for breakfast where the rest of them were seated. Mohinder next to Peter, of course - they'd been doing that a lot lately, smiling and laughing. Frankly, Matt was getting fed up with it, but it wasn't exactly his business and he buried the edge he felt about it really well.

"Mohinder", he said, touching his shoulder and inclining his head upstairs, not at all unhappy to interrupt whatever he and Peter were talking about. "Come on, I think she's sick or something."

"Molly?" Yes, he'd been a bit busy to notice. He'd never been all that flakey but the summer heat was just coming to an end and cooler nights were starting up. It was still warm enough to swim but the mornings were getting just a little chilly to go out on the balcony with coffee without a dressing gown or a sweatshirt on like it had been in July.

In two weeks, Molly would start school again, but Mohinder seemed less concerned about that and more concerned with teaching Peter Hindi. Or Tamil. Or talking with Heidi in French. He read. He sunbathed...

He stopped spending every single moment with Matt. And that was probably a good thing, it meant that their relationship was less tied up in each other and ready to breathe and accept others into their tight circle, but not even that occurred to Mohinder.

At least he didn't shoo Matt off. He was up immediately, excusing himself. Heidi asked if Molly was all right and Mohinder just smiled politely. "Perhaps it return to school jitters," he said but followed quickly on Matt's heels. "Why didn't you come get me sooner?"

It was a stupid question. Mohinder plucked at Matt without realising it was doing it.

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For some reason my phone tags never get posted. :(

boo. :c

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